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| Do's and Don'ts for Writers How to Write Query Letters & Log Lines |
A logline line is the most critical thing you'll write to get in the game -- it can dead end a great script, and it can get the worst script in the world read. You have two to three sentences--about 25-35 words total, to convince someone to request the script--make them count.
"I JUST *CAN'T* DO IT IN SO FEW WORDS." I've heard it over and over: "But my script just can't be boiled down to a couple sentences- -it isn't fair to the script!" But it can and will be done. Any coverage you get will do exactly that. You think you're not doing justice to your script if you have to truncate what it's about--but the true justice your script deserves is to be read and bought. Writing long, drawn out intricate loglines is truly unfair because it makes it less likely that the script will be read at all.
You've heard over and over, "If you can't say it in three sentences, you don't know what your script is about." Trust me--they're right and you're wrong. You have to, absolutely must, learn to get to the heart of what your script is about--your career may very well depend on your ability to state what your script is about in a fascinating way. That's what a pitch is and a logline is a written pitch. If you're going to have a career, it's a task you will eventually have to master, so start practicing now.
PASSION IS THE NAME OF THE GAME: Get *passionate* about the idea before you write it. This is not a time to be objective. Your goal is to elicit emotion in the reader -- to whip up a hunger in the reader -- to make them want to read it before anyone else does. Let your love for the idea show--you're not a critic writing a review, you're a salesman who has to make his monthly quota.
In fact, write the logline before you write the script when you're really really excited about the concept then save it until you're getting ready to market the script. Sure, it might be modified at the end, but sometimes we understand the whole picture better when we haven't painstakingly painted in all the details. It can be like an aerial view of the forest. (It can also help you keep the script on track as you're writing it). But if your script is done, give it a quick re-read. At the moment when you're most excited about how great it is, then write the logline. As you continue to read it, write another one every time you're filled with enthusiasm. Don't try to re-work the one you just wrote. Write a new one. Afterwards, pick the best one and work it over but good. Your passion HAS to come through in the logline.
IMAGINE WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY AT THE WATER COOLER: Most writers makes their loglines too complicated. Combat that by imagining what people would say after they saw the film. How would they describe your movie? What are the details that will stand out for them? "These fifteen-mile wide spaceships wipe out New York, Washington D.C. and L.A.. They're going to destroy the whole world unless the President can coordinate a battle plan from the Area 51 secret military base. He has to rely on a drunken cropduster and a computer nerd to save the world from extinction." Then refine that.
READ THE BACK OF NOVELS, READ ADS: Please *don't* study the TV listing versions. In my opinion, they usually stink. For example, this is how the movie DELIVERANCE was described, "Four Atlanta businessmen on a canoe trip are humbled by nature and mountain men." Sounds like something on the Discovery Channel! The TV listing versions are models of brevity, but that's all. Tape and then study the Academy Awards summaries of the Best Picture nominees--they are excellent.
But meanwhile, find paperback novels that are "like" your script and read the snippet on the backs of them. How do they portray the story? Learn from them how they entice you to read the book. Study the words in ads on tv and magazines. Study Billboards. That's where you're going to find evocative phrasing, concise ways to bring your point across. Look at the query letter as a letter ad: how would the marketing gurus sum up what your script is about? OK, now you're getting close.
CONCISE WRITING IS PARAMOUNT (and Universal, Dreamworks, and--ok, bad joke) As tempting as it is to cram every bit of information you possibly can into two sentences, it's not effective. Here's an example:
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: Oskar Schindler is a social-climbing, avaricious businessman and playboy who doesn't seem to care for anyone but himself. But when he witnesses atrocities as the Nazis drive the Jews out of a ghetto, he becomes an unusual humanitarian against his own better judgment. Devoted to ingratiating himself with the Nazi brass in order to get war supply contracts, he still feels that he must protect the Jews by hiring only them for his factory so they can work and not be deported to the camps where they will certainly die. This script is adapted from the true life story of Oskar Schindler who managed to employ around 1,100 Jews and thus saved them from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. This story will make everyone realize that good exists even in those we don't think know about compassion at all. 144 words!! Now, it tells the story but it weakens it by telling us far too much. It's repetitive and the sentences are unwieldy to put it kindly. Avoid a bad William Faulkner style. This example, written by Harald Mayr from the Internet Movie Database, is much better.
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: "Oskar Schindler is a vain, glorious [grammatical error in original] and greedy German businessman who becomes unlikely humanitarian amid the barbaric Nazi reign when he feels compelled to turn his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on the true story of Oskar Schindler who managed to save about 1100 Jews from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. A testament for the good in all of us."
This summary type logline line cuts out a lot of details but it still comes
in at 66 words
(it's only fair to point out that Mayr wasn't pitching this--it was intended
for a different
purpose entirely). It should be shorter, leaner, and pack a bit more punch
if it was intended
for a prodco or agency query.
Ernest Hemmingway is the style you really need --so, here it is:
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: A playboy manufacturer rescues 1,100 Jews from certain
death. Appalled by atrocities in Nazi Germany, he hoodwinks the Nazi brass
and converts
his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on Oskar Schindler's true story.
Now it's 37 words. Much tighter, implies more proaction on his part.
SET A FAST PACE: Set the pace they can expect in the script. They will assume the script is as good as the logline--if it zings along and intrigues them, they will be interested in the script. If it's confusing and meanders, then they will assume your script will, too. Unfair? Maybe. But it's life. That's what you do when you choose a book or video to rent. Why would they be any different?
DON'T TAKE A RUNNING START: "It's about a ______ who __________." It's lousy to read for us. Leap in like a writer I know did: "Before he was 21 he had killed 75 people." Wow! Who would stop reading at that point? The specific numbers grab our attention. Use alliteration, assonance, whatever you can to make those few words sing.
MAKE EVERY WORD DO DOUBLE DUTY: Make each word reveal character and plot. "A playboy manufacturer" tells us what the businessman does more specifically and that it's an unlikely person to turn humanitarian. It also tells us that there will be girls/sex in some way--always interesting to H'wood. Greedy is alright, but greedy isn't all that uncommon. "Hoodwinking" tells us that he's proactive, clever, shows a sense of how the action will go. "Appalled by atrocities" implies that the script shows his conscious-raising experience and the atrocities that caused it. "Nazi brass" clues us into the specific antagonists--using just Nazis is too general a villain.
LESS IS MORE: Don't inundate the reader with useless information--it's an index card, not a thesis. So, we don't need to know at this point that it's a refuge because he hires them, that he's vainglorious, greedy and so forth. If you look back at the first logline and then third, you'll find that the third actually tells us more of what we need to know than the first.
USE PRESENT TENSE: Avoid the past tense like a bill-collector and the progressive tense like you avoid telemarketers. "The progressive tense is using the "ing" form of verbs." as opposed to "Progressive tense uses "ing" verb endings." Present tense, just like in your script, is more exciting, immediate and it will sound fresher.
Check for weak verbs, wordiness. Don't use adverbs or adjectives unless absolutely necessary and then use only one per noun or verb and make them vivid ones. Craft the sentences, don't swipe them with a broad brush. Re-write until you can't get the sentence any leaner, any shorter, more vivid.
WHEN YOU HAVE A CHARACTER-DRIVEN SCRIPT: You've got to find a way to describe what *really* happens because what literally transpires doesn't usually sound very dramatic. *How* the events affect and *who* it affects is the story you're trying to tell. That's why there can be so many Oscar nominated movies about a "young, married woman who learns valuable life lessons as she dies from a fatal disease." Character-driven scripts are the hardest to write loglines for yet they make the best, most complex movies. But the query letter reader doesn't know what you've done with the events. It's your job to tell them. What sets YOUR script apart from all other scripts that have a similar basis? What is unique about your characters and how they react to the events? No one's going to waste their time guessing that's what you're really driving at if you merely relate the plot. State what makes your characters fascinating upfront -- even if (and I say this guardedly) you have to say it bluntly and badly.
ACTION -BASED SCRIPTS: Here, you have to emphasize the set pieces that are unique to your script as well as the plot and the characters. The action genre depends heavily on the all too-typical gun battle- explosions-fist fights-chases and the plots revolve heavily around the same narrow range of good vs. evil. It's even more important to tell the prospective reader why your script is different, fresh, what you do that is unique. A friend of mine has a teaser for her script that fascinated me: "What he knows could kill us. Telling us could kill him." That's not the logline as we need to know a bit more, but it makes us what to read the logline.
DON'T BE AFRAID--BE ENTHUSED Work as hard on your loglines as you did on your script. Don't give them a chance to write back "not interested because it sounds like .... " By then it's too late to say,"But it's really about...." It's up to you -- no one is going to second-guess your logline, no one is going to give you the benefit of the doubt, no one is going to ask for something they aren't interested in reading. Don't get afraid -- get enthused. If all you're getting back is "no thanks" then re-evaluate your logline --chances are, you're not doing justice to your script.
