Reply: Of course there is--since you are a humor/satire writer. It will give the reader a chance to see your work in action. Major caveat: as long as you keep the elements you already have: You HAVE to come across as a serious professional writer as that's what they are buying as well as your material. Straightforward is courtesy to your reader. So a modicum of humor, but it better be truly humourous, is entirely appropriate. Rely on your clips to show the range and skill of your humor writing and keep the humor in the letter to a touch.

Reply: I generally wouldn't suggest a follow-up phone call unless a month or more has passed if you haven't specified that you are going to call. Some agents only look at queries (especially unsolicited ones) on a certain day of the week and it may take them a week or more to get to yours. You have to give them some time to handle your letter. That's courtesy. Generally speaking, I don't reccomend saying that you will call an agent in the next so many days -- in part, because of that reason. Same with editors and production companies: each have their own routine for handling unsolicited queries. Calling can sometimes yield amazing results, not always good ones, though. What you are asking at this point is whether they are interested in reading the script only. If a personal conversation with the assistant or agent is needed to convince them of that, I'd say you need to work on your logline. I figure you have one maybe two phone calls before you are considered a pest -- personally, I would hold that call in reserve to find out whether or not they've handled my script instead of wasting it on whether they want to read it.

Reply:You've got a challenge as does any foreign writer attempting another country's market. But, challenge is good -- it cuts out the competition! I'd try to get a script optioned or sold in Australia first. If you can make an independent film as a sample, enter it in film festivals there and here, you're going to heighten your attractiveness. I'd suggest entering the major competitions here, and trying to pick up a quarterfinalist or better standing to get some American credentials. Unfortunately, your postmark is going to automatically discourage production companies and agents. To circumvent this, find a friend in the L.A. area (or N.Y. if you are primarily interested in the independent market) and "use" their address and phone number for responses. Even if you indicate that you are willing to move to the United States, no agent or production company is going to ask you to move on "spec" -- and the road from a good read/let's talk to a greenlight on a film is a long and treacherous one. If you appear to be stateside, that will help them take that first step and ask for the script. Don't be discouraged, I have a friend in Perth that has an agent -- but she's also realizing that she's going to have to move here soon if she wants to maximize her contacts. You also will want to order either the Hollywood Creative Directory (HCD) or Hollywood Agent Directory, or the Hollywood Blue Book for addresses. Find a way to network with stateside writers and industry people on-line where you can get to know others -- and they can get to know you.

Reply: TV scripts should not be requested from the show's production office. Many scripts for shows are available from a variety of locations -- try Samuel French Theatre and Film Bookshop in L.A, Applause in NYC and Theatrebooks in Toronto for starters. Hope this helps.The other option is to watch the daily syndicated reruns for the particular episode, tape it and then transcribe it.

Reply: "Must Russian characters always be the villains? The cold war is over and their country is struggling to survive - isn't it time for a more sympathetic look at someone from there?"

Rhetorical questions -- any question, in fact-- aren't strong openings. It's too easy to say, "nope, it isn't time." You want your strongest selling point to be the opening line -- and doing a p.r. job for Russia isn't it. You have to show why his character -- and the Russian heritage that shapes it -- makes this story different than any other story about a guy who settles his problems with his fists and immigrates to the U.S.

"How about an Olympian prize fighter, a proud Russian; a simple man who's driven by a love for his wife, a Russian ballerina, and their lovely daughter? A man whose only fault is a mean temper and a bad habit of settling problems with his hands. A man who loses his fighting edge, and later, his unfaithful wife; a man who starts drinking, who ultimately loses residency in Russia, and reluctantly finds himself alone in America with his daughter, struggling to adjust."

"How about" would be fine in a pitching session when you're developing an idea with an exec. but too casual in a query letter. Once again, you're inviting the agent to say no. But the real problem is that it's a character study, not a logline. A logline would be something along the lines of "An ex-Olympian Russian fighter drives his ballerina wife away with his fists and ends up exiled, drunk and struggling to find a new life in Chicago IL." Unless the daughter is the female lead and not the wife, leave her out of it. Don't give adjectives unless they are absolutely essential to conveying the story. Also, you don't tell me what happens -- only who the story is about. If you take out the word Russian nothing seems to be missing. If his nationality makes this story unique -- show how. What does he do, what hints can you give that he's going to change one way or the other?

""White Russian" is a 99 page properly formatted screenplay that features professional ballet choreography, animation, street combat, gang violence, sex, and rape."

Good title -- and sounds like (from below) that you're going to do a play on the words, nice. Quotes aren't the usual way of listing a s'play title -- WHITE RUSSIAN or italicize or even underline it but no quotes.

You're offering way too much information here and making it seem too complicated to produce and that would scare people off before they see how you combine those elements. Let this be something that comes as they read or you'll have them asking." Prof. choreography AND animation? Who Framed Roger Rabbit: The Ballet?" I'm wondering myself if you have too much in your script -- I'm not saying you are but it sounds way too complicated as written. Also, don't say "properly formatted" as it is expected to be a given. Saying it is a tipoff that you are a newbie at this. 99 pages might sound a bit short for a screenplay so don't mention the page number.

"It touches on Russian humiliation in America, Russian/Black integration in inner Chicago, and premonitions of Asian world superiority."

Does it touch or is it about? Coming to this after all of that, it seems as if it's a totally different script -- is it about this guy's relationship with his wife and daughter or is it about his race relations with other people in Chicago? You're not showing how the micro relates to the macro here and the Asian superiority really sounds like it's out in left field. As you see, you're trying to offer a smorgasboard of what they might find interesting instead of really conveying that you know what your story is about and that it is interesting.

"It has been critically received by four other screenwriters and must be read."

This can sound like four s'writers had a lot of critical comments! But four unknown positive screenwriters isn't a credential that will impress an agent or producer. The last phrase is a really dangerous one as it can be taken two ways -- neither of them good. Anything that smacks of ordering someone to do something (must) is a turn-off. The other interpretation is that it can't be explained simply but has to be read to be understood and that's a death knell in itself.

"For my part; I am an author (Visit: http://heg-school.aw.com/cseng/authors/lucyk/topics/topics.html). My reading includes Tolstoy, Chekov, and Dostoyevsky and I have traveled extensively on four continents, living in Australia and Singapore for 3 years. I loved writing this screenplay ..."

Good to include a URL as it says you're using the latest tools -- make sure the trip would be worth his time though! The only reason to include personal experience is to prove that you know your subject matter. This doesn't so I wouldn't include it. I'm glad you loved writing it -- but, once again, they presume writers like to write.

"and am presently at work on an action/comedy involving two old timers from a small midwest town who come into a $70 million, illegal inheritance."

This is nice would add a title -- but a work-in-progress and the way you stated it sounds like you have only the one finished script. Also, notice how nice and simple you made this sound and it sounds more interesting because of it. Better to query after you have a second script completed and ready to show as it implies that you aren't jumping the gun and that you know your craft.

"I have attached the first few pages of "White Russian," a word document, for your consideration, and would be delighted to mail you a copy."

Don't ever include sample pages unless they are requested. It will not serve you well. If this is an e-mail submission, you have no idea whether they can receive an attachment and you could infuriate them if it screws up their system. Of course you'd be delighted--try to chose a word that reflects well on him rather than one that reflects only back to you. Or just come out and ask,"Would you like to see the script?"

You may be feeling pretty bad about how I took apart your letter, Blaine, but I guarantee that a "no thanks" postcard that doesn't explain why they didn't want to see your script will make you feel worse. I do encourage you though, to postpone trying to sell this script until you have a second one ready to go. Agents are looking for writers who want and are ready for careers--one of the ways they determine that is by a well-prepared writer knowing that s/he is capable of producing at least two solid scripts.

Reply: First of all, are you and your friend planning to write as a team or are you planning to go it alone and this is just a one-time occurence? This is important as, generally speaking, how you get known is how you stay known in the biz. Once you're known as a team writer -- they will assume that whatever is brilliant in the first one is due to your partner. It's not fair, but it's the way it generally works. The same thing would apply to him if he did a script on his own so, at least it's equally unfair. So, if you're really planning to go it alone then I'd definitely have at least one script of your own ready to show.

Plus, another general rule, is that publishing houses want to be in on selling the movie rights because their take is enormous off of them. Many books are sold from the production company end -- Spielberg owned Schindler's List and Bridges of Madison County for years before the books came out. Amblin was instrumental in getting Bridges published, as I recall. So, in actuality, it could go either way.

I take it he's subbed straight to the pub. houses and not through an agent? He should talk to a literary agent before he talks money or rights with the house should he get an offer. Few agents handle both scripts and books but some agencies (like William Morris) do. Also, most lit. agents have script agents they will refer you to if you are a client. If a deal is imminent, he can insist on the first right to writing the script if a movie deal is foreseen. That's one way of going about it. If you do approach agents with a co-written script and they are interested, you're going to have to tell them that you only intend this to be a one- time partnership-- and they will want proof that it's worth taking you on as a client. They, too, are interested in careers, not one-script deals.

My concern is you and your career. You'll be in the best position to go it alone, if you have your own work ready to show and pursue that at the same time. Treatments are not enough until you have "calling card" scripts and possibly and option or deal pending and your co-written script doesn't show what you can do by yourself--particularly since it is an adaption. They do like to see eager writers, but not ones that jump the gun. Show them that you are in it for the long haul and that you can write creative, solid characters and plots on your own.

Reply: If you are in CA, are you already employed in the in LA area in your field? If so, do your networking with other professionals in your field and try to find out about job openings. Networking seems to always yield the best results for finding a job in any field anywhere as the best jobs are usually not advertised, I've found. But another way, would be to set up informational interviews at p.r. management companies in L.A., p.r. depts at studios, other p.r. or adverising or marketing (if you have the background) and meet and greet the powers that be. Ask them about their work, their needs, the challenges, etc. etc. I'd advise you not to ask for a job, but to let them know that you are interested in this area and are researching it for possible employment somewhere. Of course, you'll happen to have samples and a resume along if they ask for it! :) After each interview, send them a letter thanking them, telling them one or two things you learned, appreciated, etc. and ask them if they do hear of a job, to let you know. You may end up with some job leads this way. If you have a bit longer to make the switch, start volunteering p.r. skills for a cause in the L.A. area -- it's good for your soul and psyche anyway, you can meet people that way, and your work may attract attention. Another way (if you can afford to quit your day job) is to find temp office work in prodcos and studios through agencies that specialize in this -- however, you'll be competing with a lot of s'writers, etc. that want to get work inside to make connections, too. Finally, the goal is to make connections into the companies that you want to work for -- so any advice that career books offer is applicable.

Reply: You can check out Charles Deemer's Screenwriters and Playwrights Home Page (URL: http://www.teleport.com/~cdeemer/index.html) -- it has some links to where scripts are on the net. Also there's Drew's Script-o-rama. However, many scripts are NOT formatted correctly and some scripts found on the net are merely transcriptions (someone sat down and wrote what they heard and saw as they watched). My advice is to buy a real s'play from Samuel French's Theatre and Film Booksshop in L.A. or Applause in NYC -- or many scripts are now sold in regular bookstores -- check to see if they are in script format though.

But, you do know that all feature scripts are basically formatted alike, don't you? So, you don't need a "comedy" script for this. Any script or a recent "how to" s'writing book will have samples of formatting (I use Scriptware myself). But it's still a good idea to read comedy scripts just to learn from the pros how they write visual and verbal humor.

Reply: First, you have to make sure your scripts are ready to be shown. I can't emphasize that enough.That means having other s'writers critique them for you. If you don't live in an area that has a writer's or film organization, you can join alt.misc.screenplays or the scrnwrit listserv and get to know other s'writers and exchange s'plays electronically (make sure your scripts are registered and/or copyrighted before you do). Or, there are many legit script consultants who do excellent work, among them Lou Grantt, Carol Caruso and Margo Prescott. When you are satisfied that they are the best you can make them, then you can a) enter s'writing contests (info available in many contests links on this home page and elsewhere), b) get a list from the WGA of agencies and begin querying after researching the best place for your script, c) research prod. companies and query the best places for your work, d) network--get to know people in the biz, get the script to people who know people in the biz. And remember, it often takes ten years to become an overnight success.